you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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