3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
