Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
