umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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