Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
