i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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