haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
