I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
