I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
