oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
