ya dads aren't the best wingmen
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
