OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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