How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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