There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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