I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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