FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
