she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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