mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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