I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
