Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
