You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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