maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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