i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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