can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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