i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
