you would pick up someone in the library
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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