I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
