sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
