Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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