just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
