the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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