i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
