I CAN MOONWALK!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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