I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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