My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
