i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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