tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
