saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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