i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
