Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
