RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No subtext here. People are naked.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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