he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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