no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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