I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
