So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
