Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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