Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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