Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
