dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
