Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
