if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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