I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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