I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
