Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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