I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
