When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
