Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
