Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
