Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
