Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
