the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He has the fingertips of a God
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