I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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