On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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