I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My pussy is not your playground.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
