Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
