I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
