If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
