which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
