Please, let me fuck your mom
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
